Saturday, March 9, 2013

No laughing matter

It's 3AM and I have the urge to crawl out of my skin. Most women have fantasies that include Channing Tatum, some other Hollywood hottie or their own husbands. These days I fantasize about removing my ovaries...with a scapel. I have endometriosis. I assume most women of reproductive age know what it is but in case you don't...I will give you the medical definition.

Endometriosis is a gynecological condition. The tissue that lines the uterus, (the endometrium), is found only in the uterus and is expelled from the body with each menstrual cycle. When a woman develops endometriosis, microscopic bits of this tissue escape from the uterus backwards into the abdomen and stick and grow on other pelvic areas in the abdomenal region. It's chronic,painful and progressive, though there are treatments, there is no cure. Endometriosis is a known cause of infertility. We planned on having 2-4 kids and now you all know why Charli is an only child. Some women are able to have more children...for us, my daughter's existance is a miracle.

My endometriosis was "offically" diagnoised at 20 years old through laproscopic surgery, though it is strongly suspected I have had it since I was 17 years old. I have dealt with endo for so long that it is (literally) a part of me, like the two birthmarks on my left leg that are diagional from each other, or the scar on my right hand. My personal mantra is "Suck it up, and deal". I have spent many years sucking it up and dealing...these days it is getting harder to do that. I do my best not to complain because complaining changes nothing. I slip the mask in place and it typically works like a charm. The only people who see through it are my husband, my mother, and those few friends who are my inner circle. I am tough...lately though, this disease is kicking my butt. I have had 3 laproscopies in 13 years. Birth control pills don't really work for me, and being as I am only 35 a hysterectomy is out of the question. Now what is a girl to do?

I have a very dear friend who has truly been a God send in my life. She inspires me and most of all, she always meets me where I am on this journey. At this point I have pretty much exhausted what can be done medically speaking. I have tried a few alternative things like herbs and making changes in my diet with some success. There is something called an Endo diet and given my circumstances as of late, I figure it's with a try. Acupunture is also on my list. When my dear friend asked me if I ever thought about acupuncture the the other day, I shot down the idea immediately...for about 20 seconds. I realize that looking into the option of acupunture doesn't make me the condutor of the crazy train. I am desperate. Desperate times call for desperate measures and it seems like a much better idea than self inflicted ovary removal.

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